do i dance inside your head?
by Kolbie Ru-Ru
Summary: The only fate that awaits a Hide who associates with Kaneki is a messy, painful death, and he refuses to let that happen a second time. Not to this Hide or any other. Never again. [OR: Our boi wakes up in an alternate dimension where he just moved in next door to an alternate Hide and thus begins his increasingly desperate yet futile attempts to avoid him. Told in drabble format.]
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: The title is from "For The Best" by Gregory & The Hawk.**

**I had three chapters ready to go, so I posted them all at once. Hope you enjoy! This whole fic is ridiculous and sometimes pointlessly angsty, but I like it. Also idk if it'll be a problem, but my knowledge of Tokyo Ghoul is shoddy at best, so.**

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"Oh, hey. You're my new neighbor, right?" A curious, painfully familiar voice chimes from behind him.

Kaneki keeps his body still, ruthlessly stomps down on his irrational urge to turn around and drink in the sight of a healthy, whole, _alive_ Hide. He doesn't deserve it - not Hide, not a second chance, not this new world where ghouls are accepted in society instead of being hunted down for existing.

He fucked up his last life. The deaths of so many lie solely on his shoulders. Hide's death is entirely his fault, and yet-

Surely, surely, if anyone deserves this chance, it's his (dead) former best friend?

Instead it was given to the monster.

Heh. Maybe this isn't a miracle at all but penance. Kaneki had been ready to die, after all. He was so, so tired, and after everything, he'd wanted to follow Hide this one last time.

But Hide is somewhere he can't follow, dead in another universe entirely, and now another untainted (alive) version of him is standing behind him, unknowing of Kaneki's role in his counterpart's demise, ignorant of the danger he's posing to himself simply by being near Kaneki.

Innocent and alive. And _right there_-

He resists the urge to break his finger.

"Hello~! Anyone in there?" Hide asks from beside him, way, way too close.

With effort, Kaneki keeps his gaze on the quietly rumbling washer in front of him and says rudely, "Not interested."

"Whoa, you make it sound like I'm hitting on you. Which I definitely would do - don't get me wrong! You're really- heh, well." He trails off with a laugh and then introduces himself cheerfully, "My name's Nagachika Hideyoshi, but please call me Hide. I live in 401."

Right next door to Kaneki. Of course, he'd known. He'd be able to recognize Hide's scent anywhere.

Funny that his counterpart had somehow chosen the apartment next to this world's Hide - except it's more cruelly ironic than anything. He's certainly not laughing.

Kaneki makes a non-committal grunt, seeing no need to offer his own name in return. Hide is better off not knowing him. Safer. He's not going to jeopardize that safety just because he misses Hide. He lost the right to be so selfish a long time ago.

"Okay, well, just wanted to be neighborly! I can see you're busy, so I'll talk to you some other time."

Hide exits the small laundry room, and Kaneki allows himself to relax. Now that he's established his own disinclination towards any sort of social contact, maybe Hide will leave him alone.

It's a hopeful thought, and for his own sake, he chooses to believe it.


	2. Chapter 2

Knocking rouses Kaneki from his book, and confused and wary, he sets aside novel and coffee and walks to the door.

He opens it cautiously, and standing there is the last (only) person he wants to see.

Hide grins at him sheepishly. He's decked out in bright colors as always, and he looks a little tired and very cold. Likely because it's almost midnight, and he's standing outside Kaneki's door in the middle of fall in nothing but a long-sleeve and jeans.

"Yo, 402." Hide smiles and waves. "Never did get your name."

Kaneki doesn't slam the door and curl into a ball of angst at this unexpected visitor, but the feeling is there.

Instead, he cocks a brow and questions Hide like a normal person. "…What?"

"Uh, well, I know we only just met - which is sort of weird since it's been a week, and I never see you. Not for lack of trying, might I add. Seriously, do you ever go outside? But anyway, you don't really know me, but would it be cool if I hang out in your apartment for a bit? I accidentally locked myself out of my place, haha, and it's gonna be a while before a locksmith can get out here, and well, it's freezing out, and-"

Hide continues to ramble, and Kaneki gets lost in the sound of his voice and the rare chance to just look at him and completely loses track of what he's saying.

He's always found Hide's babbling endearing, and fondness swells up in him so forcefully that it actually manages to beat out his fears and concerns for a moment.

Just a moment, though.

"I don't know," Kaneki hedges, gripping the door a little tighter. Hide, in close proximity? For hours? It's a recipe for disaster, and he's sure Hide would run for the hills if he knew just what danger he was putting himself in simply by being near Kaneki.

Hide actually seems sort of encouraged by Kaneki's response. "Hey, man, I know it's forward, but Sawazuki-san - she's the one in 403 - is out of town, and I need to be nearby when the locksmith gets here, and who knows how long that'll take in this weather, and like I said, I'm gonna freeze to death out here-"

Unbidden, Kaneki chuckles, a helplessly fond smile on his lips. Always dramatic, forever bright and cheerful - he's really missed his best friend.

Hide draws short at the sound, stops talking mid-word and gapes at him. The strange reaction brings Kaneki back to the reality of the situation, and he intends to reject the offer, honestly, but in that moment, a breeze blows through, and Hide shivers, and absolutely no part of Kaneki Ken - then and now - can force Hide to suffer when he can help.

Reluctantly, he says, "Fine," and opens his door.

That gets him a blinding smile. "Heh, thanks, man!"

Kaneki nods, and without fanfare, Hide steps inside, looking around the quaint apartment curiously as Kaneki shuts and locks the door behind them. The click of the lock echoes ominously.

"Nice place," Hide comments, claiming a spot on the sofa, at ease only because he doesn't know he's just stepped in the lion's den. "I like the whole classy bookworm thing you've got going on. It's cool."

Kaneki glances around his living room, which houses a couch, a chair, a coffee table, some bookcases, and books absolutely everywhere. Not strewn haphazardly, but placed in stacks on whatever surface was available when his bookshelves could no longer afford any space for them.

"…Thanks," he says, and then settles on the other end of the couch to resume reading his novel, hoping futilely that Hide will take the hint and leave him alone.

"So hey, it's kinda awkward that I'm sitting on your furniture in your apartment and don't even know your name," Hide points out, proving Kaneki's suspicions correct. "You remember mine, right? I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi, but just call me Hide. Everyone does. Well, not my _boss_, but- Both names are way too long, you know?"

"Kaneki Ken," he reveals, reluctantly - only because it would be too strange not to at this point. "If you're bored, you can grab a book to read while you wait," he suggests, not so subtly.

Hide chuckles, "I'm not much of a reader. Okay, well, I like some books, but I've been reading soooo many boring ones for research for school or just to study, and I'm like_ this _close to imploding, dude. I'm starting to research in my sleep. Ugh."

Kaneki hides a smile. "…I'm not going to force another one on you, then."

"Gah, don't even joke about it." Hide shudders. "But thanks!"

Kaneki catches Hide's smile, bright and beautiful, from the corner of his eye, and it warms him to his very core.

…He returns his full attention to his book, even though he ends up reading the same sentence over and over again.

When the locksmith arrives and Hide finally leaves, Kaneki hates that he's sad to see him go. Hide managed to force more conversation out of him over the hour he was there, but nothing of substance, and he plans to keep it that way.

The only fate that awaits a Hide who associates with Kaneki is a messy, painful death, and he refuses to let that happen a second time. Not to this Hide or any other. Never again.


	3. Chapter 3

He manages to avoid Hide for two weeks, by waiting until he's gone to leave his own apartment or ducking around corners to hide until Hide walks by. He's always on guard near their building and even when he shops at nearby stores, which is why he's been able to escape so far.

He doesn't expect to bump into Hide at a dusty, old bookshop tucked between a tailor and a nail salon nowhere near where they live. It's pretty small and mostly carries equally dusty, old books, so it's usually empty of all but one or two patrons when Kaneki stops by. The quiet and lack of people are a few of the reasons he loves it, but more importantly, the owner, Waya Tanaka, knows Kaneki and holds onto books for him - whether they're ones he's asked for specifically or ones he thinks Kaneki would like.

Waya has never been wrong, which is why Kaneki visits so often and why his apartment is quite literally covered in books. Unfortunately, his safe haven may have been compromised.

"Kaneki!" Hide's cheerful voice calls out to him, tinged with pleasant surprise. "It feels like forever since I've seen you!"

"Hide," Kaneki greets him, much less enthusiastically, and curses his heart for beating faster at just hearing his voice. 'You're not allowed to be happy to see him,' he chastises it. 'You don't have that right.'

Hide lights up. "You remembered!" he says, and Kaneki blinks at him, taken aback. "You remembered my name," Hide explains, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wasn't sure if you would. Remember, that is. Because you, uh- never said it, that last time, and I wasn't sure you actually knew it or heard me when I said it. Oh! Not that I'm saying you're the kind of person who forgets people's names, just, uh-"

"Hide," Kaneki interrupts, trying not to laugh. "It's okay."

"I'm so sorry," he says with a grimace, and he looks like he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. It's a look Kaneki is intimately familiar with, and seeing it on Hide is both hilarious and ridiculously endearing.

Smiling, Kaneki tells him, "It's fine. I'm… told I'm a horrible recluse with zero social skills, so I don't blame you for being surprised." The thought of Touka is painful, as always, but with Hide here, bright and happy, it's less so, even with the aching longing and terrible loneliness that comes with being in his presence back in full force. There's just something about Hide that puts him at ease.

Hide laughs. "I wouldn't say zero. You have at least, like, three."

Kaneki snorts. "Enough to know that forgetting the name of my neighbor is probably bad."

"Probably," he agrees. His expression turns sly. "Should have known I'd find you in a place like this. It practically screams Kaneki."

"I… can't argue with that," he says, sheepish, and Hide offers him an amused smile in response. "It's quiet and has a lot of good books, so." He shrugs.

Hide nods in understanding. "I was stoked when I found this place. Did you know there a lot of used textbooks here? It's why I'm here, actually. The owner offers discounts to students who donate them and then sells them cheap to other college students." He glances around appreciatively and adds, "If it weren't for this place, I'd be working a second job and probably still flat broke."

He had known that, and that Hide was in Kamii (it came up while Hide was taking shelter in his apartment), but he hadn't realized either of those things were connected. What are the odds?

"That's good," he says after an awkwardly long pause. "I was just- leaving," he explains quickly, when it dawns on him that admitting that he wasn't planning on buying any books for once and was just hiding from Hide here would make things even more horribly awkward.

Incredibly, Hide wilts, looking terribly sad, and Kaneki's heart aches. "Do you have anywhere to be after this?" he asks.

Internally distressed by Hide's distress, Kaneki opens his dumb mouth and without thinking, says, "No."

"Great! Neither do I. Wanna hang out?" He instantly brightens, and Kaneki has never been able to steel himself against Hide's everything, even after months of self-imposed distance back then, so what chance does he have now, really?

Kaneki agrees with great reluctance, but Hide doesn't seem to notice. Or more likely, he has noticed and has decided to ignore it because Hide is nothing if not persistent when he wants something.

He just doesn't get why befriending him of all people is that something. Surely, Kaneki is not that interesting, especially since this Hide has only just met him? Especially since Hide's blood is on his hands. Perhaps in every life, Hide is fated to be infinitely confusing, and Kaneki is fated to never fully understand him.

(Is it fated, too, that Kaneki must always drag Hide down with him? Is it preordained that Kaneki must become a monster and that Hide must die trying to save him? Is this tragedy of theirs written in the stars?

The world is cruel and the universe uncaring, he knows, but dear god, he hopes there is an end to this.

He hopes desperately that there is a world where Hide can be happy and live a long, unburdened, Kaneki-free life.)


	4. Chapter 4

Hide might, possibly, be smitten.

It's ridiculous because he knows almost nothing about Kaneki beyond his name (and his love of books and that he has a _horrible_ poker face and that he's almost definitely a ghoul), and there's the minor detail that the guy seems to want nothing to do with him. Or at least, he's been desperately trying to convince _Hide_ of that ever since their first meeting, and Hide can't help but be intrigued.

Kaneki is striking and adorable and _totally _Hide's type; he would remember meeting him for sure. But Hide's existence seems to be both a source of pain and of relief to Kaneki, an internal conflict written on his face every time he so much as looks at Hide, and Hide wants to find out why. He can't help it. He's curious by nature, and Kaneki is a particularly attractive puzzle.

The fact that Kaneki really looks like he needs a friend is another motivating factor. Hide would do just about anything at this point if it meant wiping away the melancholy that clings to Kaneki like a second skin. Kaneki looks so much better when he's smiling. Hide has the image of Kaneki's fond, little smile burned into his mind and has already made it a goal of his to get Kaneki to look at him like that again, expression friendly and warm and startlingly lovely.

So far, he's managed to win three sincere smiles, as well as a wobbly grin as Kaneki tried not to laugh, and _man_, was his entertained expression cute. It was totally worth the hit to his pride. Hide's never cared about such a silly thing anyway.

He's practically bouncing on his feet as his eyes rove over the shelves, hastily trying to find the book he came here for before Kaneki decides he has somewhere he has to be. It was really lucky he happened to run him into here, and Hide doesn't want to test his good fortune by taking too long. Finally, he spots a familiar title, and letting out a triumphant "Aha!" he grabs it and gestures for Kaneki to wait for him as he pays for it.

Once done, the two of them leave and begin walking down the sidewalk side by side. Hide peers at Kaneki in his peripheral, noticing that his expression has once again become morose, shoulders slumped ever so slightly as if weighed down by something.

But by what?

"Thinking heavy thoughts?" Hide asks, unable to stifle the urge to poke and prod at this walking enigma, even if it's kind of rude.

'Kind of rude' is basically his defining personality trait, alongside 'nosy' and 'cute as a button.'

Kaneki blinks him, surprised. Then realization dawns as he goes over what he's just been asked, and rather than grow offended at Hide's prying, like most people do, inexplicably, Kaneki smiles. It's a tiny thing, a little sad, a little regretful, but undoubtedly wholeheartedly affectionate.

Hide finds himself flushing a little at receiving that smile again, pleased and flattered and confused at what brought it on.

"...Sorry," Kaneki offers, upon seeing his reaction, but unlike before, the smile doesn't disappear behind a mask of politeness. "You just- You remind me of someone," he explains, a little stiltedly. "My best friend, actually. You two-" Here, he stops talking entirely involuntarily, voice catching in his throat. He clears it and tries again. "You two are a lot alike," he says, and- _Oh_.

That smile isn't for _him_. Of course it isn't. He knew that, had never seriously considered that this perfect stranger could somehow harbor such strong fondness for Hide when they've only just met. Ahhh, he can't help feeling disappointed, though.

"He must have been important to you," Hide surmises. It doesn't take a genius to realize that something must have happened to the guy, but even Hide has enough tact not to ask about it.

"We grew up together," Kaneki reveals, eyes clouding over with fond memories, from the looks of it. "He was closer to me than my own family."

_That_ says a whole host of things, right there, and it explains some things. He hadn't wanted to assume and had never intended to ask about it. He's aware he can get carried away with his own need to investigate and snoop into people's lives, and he's gotten better about it after being scolded one too many times.

But Kaneki didn't - and still doesn't - get along with his own family, and the (presumably) only person he considered close is no longer, likely because he isn't around anymore.

Suddenly Hide understands the careful distance, the anticipation of pain, the look in Kaneki's eyes when he smiles at Hide both like it hurts him and like he never wants to look away.

More than anything, Kaneki seems to be grieving. Grieving entirely _alone_, and Hide- well, Hide can't just leave him be. It's not the polite thing to do, or even the right thing. Kaneki will probably get over this on his own, in his own time, and maybe in a few months, he'll be ready to become friends with Hide without being reminded of this other guy.

Maybe all that's true, and he doesn't need Hide to do anything but leave him alone.

But- he _can't_. For some reason, he feels like that's the worst decision he could ever make. He can't shake the feeling that if he lets Kaneki go now, he'll go somewhere far away where Hide can't find him again, forever out of his reach. Even now, Hide keeps close physically, keeps glancing at Kaneki out the corner of his to make sure he's still there.

And back when he first spotted that head of blindingly bright white hair, back in the laundry room that first day, he'd felt like something had shuttered into place, like the restlessness he'd felt his whole life had finally settled down, like he'd finally found something he hadn't even known he'd been missing.

And he _still feels that way._

He doesn't believe in love at first sight or soulmates, but there's no denying that he and Kaneki have some sort of connection. Maybe Kaneki feels it too, underneath the swell of grief. Either way, there's no way he's letting Kaneki get away so easily.

_(Not this time.)_


End file.
